Stress hurts...

There is a commercial on TV for some drug... it says "Depression hurts." And the commercial is right about that... it does. I honestly don't know if drugs is the answer for some people or not. I only know that it is the wrong answer for me. Drugs scare me. I don't want to be dependent on anything in that way, so I will do anything to take care of my problems in any other way conceivable before bowing to the drug lords. But, that said, stress really does hurt ~ a lot!

I have been dealing with some stress and sadness about my relationship with a friend. I've screwed up and I've also "wished" for more than is there, in all probability, and that causes me great stress and worry. It leads to worry over other relationships and where I stand with all kinds of people and I start to feel hopeless... and then parts of my body literally hurt. My chest hurts, sometimes like my heart is breaking, so I know first hand where that saying comes from. The very bones of my chest ache and my stomach does flip-flops unbidden. I want to get better and I want not to hurt. I want to work things out with my friend and figure out where I stand so that I don't have to worry so much about who I am and who I am to someone else. I want to just "be."

All of this babbling means that life is challenging right now. And I am working on making it better. But right now, stress hurts.

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

steel-cut oats with pecans and maple syrup and a splash of milk

Snack:

rice krispy treat and watermelon with MT

cherries on my break

Lunch:

chicken salad on multigrain with cranberry sauce; chips

Dinner:

cheeseburger with ketchup on a bun; potato salad; deviled eggs (2); veggies

Evening:

blueberry muffin after baking them for school

Healthier than the week-end, but still way more than I should be eating. I need to go back to 1/2 sandwich, for example. I need to get portions under control and I need to make good decisions (I could have had the cheeseburger without a bun, for example).

May tomorrow be better