Bob and weave...

I was dancing today... dancing with the devil or my demons or whatever you want to call it. I wanted to do so many "bad" things and I had to work hard to avoid some of them. Sometimes I won and sometimes I chose the wrong path, so to speak. I wanted frozen coffee, for example. I drove past or by or near several spots, but made myself go to the gas station for a bottle of water instead, with the thought that I might get coffee later... or tomorrow... or how long could I go before having a coffee? The point is, having a coffee was an obsession that didn't die with each minute success. In fact, later on in the evening I still wanted a coffee, so didn't stop at Starbuck's to get Michelle her coffee beans because I'd be tempted. I saved it for tomorrow, which is not the same thing as denying myself, but is more like delaying gratification (so I guess for me that could be counted as a little progress...).

I made myself get water, as I said, and then I went to NARA and walked two miles, even though I didn't really feel like it. When will I stop being tired?! Anyway... I did my walk and then I took myself to The Cheesecake Factory for diner. I've been wanting it since Chicago, and tonight I caved. And I got frozen yogurt on the way home... but I walked today and I didn't get coffee, so it wasn't a total failure. Baby steps...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

bran muffin from Sweet Bites (considered going to the bagel store, then considered DD so I could get yucky bagel, but a coffee... and settled on muffin at Sweet Bites). Life is one big argument with myself!

Snack:

1/4 cantaloupe (planned) a smoothie with the toddlers (unplanned)

Lunch:

hard-boiled egg; salad, cheese with kashi crackers (a few too many)

Dinner:

BBQ ranch chicken salad (lunch portion!); diet coke with lemon (no bread... my deal is if they ask I say no; if they bring it to the table automatically, I eat some brown!)

Dessert:

"kiddie" black raspberry chocolate chip frozen yogurt in a waffle cone. I ask them to make it on the small side because even their kiddie is huge, so this one was pretty reasonable... but still, its a lot, especially after CF...

254...

I made myself weigh in this morning, even though it hurts to do this, so I guess that's a success to count, too. I can't deny numbers and if I can make myself weigh in, maybe I can keep myself from adding more and more weight to my body. I have to turn this around somehow... Baby steps...

And may tomorrow be better...