stress of family...

Being on vacation, but then having food expectations because company arrives, makes me stressed. I think about what to eat and what not to eat and when I can eat and who sees me eat... and then I lose all perspective and stress eat... Oy!

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

english muffin with peanut butter and banana; milk

Snack:

coolatta and blueberries

Lunch:

mashed potatoes; carrots; green beans; roast beef

Snack:

potato salad; see's chocolates

Dinner:

scrambled eggs; broccoli; potato chips; blueberries

Dessert before bed:

chocolate ice cream

Exercise:

Walk to bike shop and ride bike home

Oh, my... I tried, but failed... but I will keep trying... and trying... until I get it right...

May tomorrow be better...

eh...

Not a great day, but it was a social day and that always makes it harder to eat well.

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

english muffin ~ 1/2 with peanut butter, and 1/2 with butter and jam; milk

Lunch:

1/2 a 1/2 and 1/2 plate with shrimp and haddock, fries and onion rings; cole slaw

Dessert:

chocolate chocolate dough nut

Dinner:

small bag of chips; meat ball sub

Dessert:

frozen yogurt at Brown's ~ raspberry with grapenuts

Snack in evening:

medium starbuck's frappacino

May tomorrow be better...

blueberry morning

I went blueberry picking this morning and had a great time. I wouldn't want to do it for a living, but an hour of picking was a lovely way to pass the time. I picked 7 pounds of blueberries ~ enough to keep for myself and have plenty to give away. I ate my fill as I picked, as well, and they were delicious, warmed by the sun! I stopped at the store for containers and got a muffin for lunch, since I knew I was going out to dinner later...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

english muffin with peanut butter; milk (Thomas', extra fiber)

Snack:

medium mocha coolatta (I'd just gotten off the phone with M and was a little stressed. No excuse, but the truth...)

Lunch:

bran muffin from hannaford's ~ I just love'm!

Dinner:

half and half basket ~ shrimp and chicken fingers, with fries and onion rings; cole slaw

I'll likely have ice cream later tonight... maybe with blueberries on it!

Viv comes up tomorrow, so we will beach it and probably go to Mike's. I'll send her home with blueberries and maybe do some baking with the rest.

Exercise:

kayaking again... I find it both invigorating and relaxing. Today I went out to sea, which added a little excitement to the trip.

I made some good food choices today, but I also over-did, both with the coolatta and with the quantity of fried seafood... which I will have again tomorrow. I probably should've made myself get baked or broiled today, or a lobster roll, but I really had shrimp on the brain so I went for it. Hmm...

May tomorrow be better...

Veering back on course...

... I hope...

I have been away and I am still away, but I am trying to get back to recording my eating. I am toying with the idea of seeing my doctor earlier than my October scheduled physical because I am beginning to suspect that my weight gain may not be all about eating. I have gained so much and when I think of it, I am not really eating that much more. I mean, I do cheat... but I always cheated, even when I was losing two pounds a week. I've been so busy beating myself up about the weight gain, feeling like a total loser and loathing my lack of control, that I never considered that there could something medical contributing to the problem. And maybe there isn't, but I should eliminate the possibility and at least let my doctor in on the weight gain trouble... and the continued depression... despite therapy... God, I am pitiful!

But I digress...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

bran muffin and water

then I went kayaking for hours...

Snack:

mocha coolatta because I was thirsty and starving (after 1:00 sometime...)

Late lunch:

lobster roll and a few french fries (I should've told the woman no thank you, but once I had them I had to eat some...)

Dinner:

boiled hot dog, potato salad, cole slaw... I made the potato salad and the cole slaw was a light summery one from hannaford's.... very good...

I am about to have some ice cream for "dessert" or as a bedtime snack, whichever this might be...

May tomorrow be better...

Ups and downs...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

ez english muffin with pbj; milk

Snack:

cucumber and hummus

Snack impulse: dark chocolate mints from YT's (as I did evaluations)

Lunch:

salad with two cheeses (babybels); baggie of corn/blackbean chips

Snack:

mocha coolatta at DD after giving blood

Dinner:

somosa; rice; veggie curry; chicken saffron; naan

So I make some progress and then I have issues... but I am not giving up...

May each day find some wisdom...

Working toward vacation mode...

I am on vacation for two weeks after tomorrow and I am trying to psych myself up for it. What will I do? What will I eat? How will I feel? Who will I see? So much to think about and plan for...

SO... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

oat squares in milk; peach

Snack:

2 s'mores in 2/3A (why 2?!!!)

Lunch:

tuna with pesto on whole wheat wrap; small bag of chips

Snack:

yogurt with syrup; strawberries (fresh)

Dinner:

brown bread with butter (2 small pieces); cashew chicken salad at CF

I don't like going home in the evening... I need to think that through and plan better dinners. Not only is it expensive to eat out so much, it also makes it too easy to overeat!

may tomorrow be better...

basic facts...

...and a few feelings, if I can stay awake!

First things first...

So...what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

ezekiel english muffin with peanutbutter and jam; milk

Snacks:

watermelon; chocolates; grapes

Lunch:

2 ears corn; salad; baggie of corn/black bean chips

Snack:

mocha coolatta

Dinner:

chips and salsa; 3/4 chicken quesedilla

Dessert:

kiddie cone (ha!) at Kimball's ~ black raspberry chocolate chip

So... how did I feel? Stressed and crabby, as much for eating as the cause of the eating, I think. It just made me grumpier, really, so how can that be a help?!

The one good thing I did for myself was take a walk at Punkatasset. I got a terrible leg cramp after. It was awful...crippling! It was a sure sign of how out of shape I am. I really need an exercise routine ~ walking, stretching, and strength training. I'm going to be 50 in April and I want to be ready for it!

may tomorrow be better...

Quickly now...

Ready to crash, so here goes:

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

banana muffin; milk; peach

Snack:

hummos and crackers

Lunch:

salad with cheese; green beans; baggie of corn and black bean chips

Snack:

yogurt with syrup (low fat); fresh strawberries

Dinner:

steak kabobs; roasted potatoes; grilled veggies; two cookies

I came home "hungry" but kept myself occupied knitting and made it until bed time without unnecessary snacking. Baby steps...

Yesterday...

I was too tired to fill this in last night, so here it is now...

So... what did I eat yesterday?

Breakfast:

2 banana muffins; milk

Snack:

strawberries (planned); a few crackers with MT as I helped out in the room

Lunch:

quinoa salad; 1/2 a cheese danish in staff room

Snack:

corn and black bean chips (sorted them into baggies and ate the rest); a peach

Dinner:

hamburger on ezekiel english muffin with pickles

Dessert:

kiddie cone ~ chocolate peanutbutter frozen yogurt at Erikson's with Viv

Really, not too bad... other than the 1/2 cheese danish I don't really regret any of the choices. If I can get to days that aren't perfect but I don't regret anything, that would feel like success...

Aimless and desperate...

I had a difficult day and made the best of it. I dropped Michelle at the airport... what next? I didn't know, i just knew I needed to do something. I headed north and soon decided to go to Maine. At the tolls I decided to find the EZPass center and get one. I got off at the exit and found the place and of course it is closed on Sundays. So since I was on the road to Dover anyway, I decided to check in at the NH Children's Museum. I had a fruitful visit and got some good ideas for my next lobby.

I then cut across to Wells and stopped at Chase's Farm for fruit and veggies... and on to Mike's for fried seafood. Then I needed a place to beach it for a bit. I headed down to York and went out to Nubble Light. I set up my chair and read for a while then dozed and daydreamed and watched the ocean. It was peaceful and somewhat calming... just what I needed. On the way home I went to the grocery store to get supplies for the week.

Not bad for a tough day...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

banana muffin; milk

Snack:

coolatta

Lunch:

fried scallops and shrimp; french fries and onion rings; cole slaw; diet coke (yucky...)

Snack:

peanutbutter fudge frozen yogurt in a waffle cone at Kimball's on way home

Dinner:

salad at home

May tomorrow be better...

Falling behind...

I've missed a bit, so I will try to catch up by remembering yesterday, at least...

Breakfast:

2 banana muffins; milk

Lunch:

quinoa salad

Snack:

regular ice cream at Erikson's

Dinner:

chinese buffet with Michelle, Donna and Tom

Snack:

1 molasses cookie as I was making them to send to Chris

I saw my therapist on Friday and she suggests I see my doctor soon regarding constant pain and weight gain troubles. She wonders what else might be going on with my body. Hmm...

Stress like this...

Quick, because I am dead tired...

A spent the day doing performance reviews and I am exhausted. I don't know who has it worse, me or the reviewees (I suspect it's me!).

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

1/2 grapefruit; bran muffin

Snack:

peach

Lunch:

whole wheat pasta; a pop tart from the staff table (Really?! Why?!)

Snack: plum

Snack:

yogurt with raspberries and syrup

Dinner:

chicken thigh; broccoli; 2 helpings delicious quinoa salad

Could be worse, I guess...

May tomorrow be better...

Trying to think...

I worked at thinking about eating much of today and did fairly well until the end. Social stress adds to my eating issues, and it makes me less attentive to what I am doing. Still, there was some progress today, even in the noticing...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

1 scrambled egg; 1 slice toast with butter; asparagus sauteed with onion

This is an example of thinking... I thought about 2 eggs and decided I could live with 1 and I did. Same with the toast ~ a single slice would do... and it did.

I never had a morning snack because I never got truly "hungry." I guess the protein did it's job and I was able to keep myself from eating just to eat.

Lunch:

whole wheat pasta with homemade veggie bolognese; kashi crackers with cheese (babybel)

More thinking here... there were cookies on the staff table. I "really" wanted one (or six!) but I told myself I was full enough for now and I could wait. It worked and it continued to work the 3-4 other times I passed through the room before going home.

More thinking as I went to Idylwilde to buy fruit instead of DD for coolatta. I wanted to do both, but talked myself into waiting until I got home to eat a fresh peach and plum instead. And as I went past the chips I talked myself out of getting those, too.

Snack:

peach; plum; wheat crackers (baked triscuit-type from TJ's) This last item was a kickback for the lack of chips, I think, but also as the start of stress (planning to go out).

Dinner:

Thai food with Michelle and Donna ~ fresh roll, brown rice with yellow curry and shrimp; some of Donna's Pad Thai. This last was hard/bad... not because I shouldn't have it, but because it causes me such shame to eat something that I think someone else thinks I shouldn't (even if it is in my imagination!). And once I start thinking like that, it only gets worse and I am compelled to eat the "dangerous" item (and usually much more). At least I can say that I stopped here this time...

May tomorrow be better...

Short and sweet...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

oat squares in milk

Snack:

kashi crackers

Lunch:

whole wheat pasta with homemade veggie bolognese ~OMG!; broccoli

Snack:

yogurt with raspberries and syrup

Dinner:

tortilla chips (too many); black bean salad (2 helpings); cuban sandwich at Viv's with the gang

Dessert:

kiddie kalua fudge frozen yogurt in a dish at Erikson's (eh...)

So... not bad... still needs work... I will get there...

Some titles just don't come...

Today was "okay"... better than yesterday, but not as good as I hope tomorrow to be...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

asparagus sauteed with onion; 1/2 grapefruit

Lunch:

raspberry smoothie; peanut butter and jam sandwich

Snack:

small bag of chips on way from grocery store

Dinner:

spaghetti & 2 meatballs (white pasta ~ at Donna's with Michelle and Tom); salad; broccoli

Dessert:

kiddie cone at Erikson's ~ chocolate mint oreo

So... not too, too bad, but I have a ways to go before I am eating to lose weight.

May tomorrow be better...

This is how it happens...

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder how I let myself gain so much weight? "When did this happen?" I ask myself. It happened on days like this...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast (sort of):

yogurt with raspberries and syrup at home before heading to Maine

Then... a bran muffin in Maine... followed immediately by a doughnut... UGH!

Snack after walk to the beach:

corn curls because they were on the counter; cherries from the fridge

Dinner (late because everything took longer):

corned beef and cabbage, potatoes and carrots (2 helpings)

Snack:

ice cream on second walk to beach

Late night supper on way home:

Michelle and I split a scallop plate ~ still too much food

So that's how it happens... over-eating and bad choices... stress eating because of the tension of being with family, my mother in particular...

I want to do better, but tomorrow never seems to come. Tomorrow I will start thinking like "today" matters and see if I can shift my mindset. I must or I am afraid I'll die...

Company

Summer is a hard time to establish a routine, I am finding. There is always something to do that pulls me away from my "plan." Right now it is company ~ lovely, wonderful company, but a change in routine, for sure.

So what did I eat today? And yesterday?

Friday~

Breafast:

peanutbutter and jam sandwich; milk

Lunch:

2 slices pizza and a diet coke

Snack:

salad

Snack:

mocha frappacino on my way to airport

Dinner:

salad, fish cakes and corn on the cob at S&S

Stayed out at a bar listening to a band until midnight ~ this is so-o-o not me...

Which meant Saturday was all mixed up...

Breakfast:

asparagus, sauteed. hard-boiled egg

Snack:

yogurt smoothie and dry cereal

Lunch:

tuna sandwich; carrot sticks and celery sticks

Snack:

tortilla chips with Tom

Dinner:

pizza ~ 3 slices

Dessert:

kiddie frozen yogurt at Erikson's

I managed to squeeze in a walk in the evening so I wouldn't feel too sluggish

Off to Maine tomorrow... I hope I manage some restraint...

I'm not there yet...

... but I haven't quit yet, either...

Today had its challenges and its moments of advantage. I struggled with what to eat all day long, starting with breakfast, right up until this moment of writing this entry, where I still want to eat "one last thing."

So... what did I eat today? And how does it compare to what I wanted to eat?

Breakfast:

I wanted french toast or a bagel from bagels plus or a mocha coolatta and a yucky bagel from DD. But what I actually ate was a peanutbutter and blackberry jam sandwich and milk.

Snack:

scone that Teresa made ~ yum!

Lunch:

What I really wanted was to go get lunch in West Acton ~ either pizza at DiCapri's or a sandwich and chips from Savoury Lane... but what I actually ate was the salad and hard-boiled egg that I brought for my lunch (and an orange, since Kathy was out!)

Snack:

What I really wanted to eat all afternoon was chocolate ~ like the chocolate bars in my drawer. Instead, I gave them away and ate my yogurt with raspberries and 1 TBSP syrup.

Dinner:

What I wanted was Cedar Hill DJ... and what I had was Cedar Hill DJ ~ A hamburger, small onion ring and coffee frappe. I love those onion rings! Now that I like frappacinos and coolattas, though, I notice that I don't like the frappes as well. Hmm...

So not a great day, but not a terrible one, either. I fought a lot of battles and I was a warrior, if an imperfect one. Paladin imperfect, that's me...

May tomorrow be better...