Too long...

Fear is a funny thing to deal with. It's like a macabre dance. Am I ill? Am I making things worse? Am I gaining weight? Fear of these thoughts causes a sense of denial. On the one hand, the denial helps me tolerate the fears that threaten to overwhelm me, meaning I carry on. On the other hand, I tend to sabotage myself in denial---eating horribly and denying that it has any effect. I avoid the scale, avoid mirrors, avoid people. And then I eventually come close to the surface again, as I have today, and start to gain some perspective on my fears. I try to manage again and I try to face reality.

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

ez english muffin with snowfrisk cheese and honey; milk

Lunch:

kale soup; yogurt with honey and raspberries

Dinner:

corn bread with butter; BLT with avocado; sweet potato fries at Concord Market & Cafe

Dessert:

nutty bites from Trader Joe's while I made muffins

EXERCISE:

One and a half hour walk at Punkatasset

Weight (which I finally dared to take this morning): 255

Goal: between 175 and 190

So I didn't "shine" today, but I faced how I lived, recorded it, and will hopefully gain some strength from that effort.

And may tomorrow be better...