Hurting...

Tonight I am hurting... physically and emotionally. We've had a blizzard, which meant I was stuck inside all day, only a trip to the driveway to break the drone of being home. And the hard, hard work of the driveway means I am in incredible pain tonight. The emotional pain comes from dealing with my mother and with the guilt I feel for disliking her so much, even though she is nothing but mean to me most of the time. I faced it long ago, she doesn't like me and she never has. My father loved her, though, and in his memory I try to do the right thing. But it isn't enough and I resent her and my "obligation" to her. On days like this when I am stuck here, it eats away at me. I know I am trapped and it suffocates me... but enough of that...

So... what did I eat today?

Breakfast:

high fiber cereal with milk; two oranges

Lunch:

ez english muffin with melted pepperjack cheese, tomato slices and avocado; carrots with hummus; whole wheat crackers

Dinner:

brown rice; broccoli and leeks sauteed in peanut oil; sweet potato fries; peanuts; buttercrunch toffee while I was waiting for my sweet potato fries to come out of the oven

Dessert:

yogurt smoothie with raspberry and peaches and syrup

May tomorrow be better... and not so laden with emotion...